Introduction

There is often confusion between being alone, and feeling lonely. Whilst on the surface they may appear the same, they are actually very different. Someone may spend a lot of time by themselves, but they are still very content in life. Alternatively, someone else may be surrounded by people, but they still feel lonely. In this article, we’re going to outline how you can overcome loneliness without friends.

Loneliness is a negative emotional feeling, often occurring when there is a social disconnect.

Loneliness has been defined as…

a subjective, unwelcome feeling of lack or loss of companionship. It happens when there is a mismatch between the quantity and quality of the social relationships that we have, and those that we want.

The Campaign to end Loneliness

According to the UK government, loneliness is higher for people who:

• are 16-24 years old
• are female
• are single or widowed
• live with a limiting mental health condition
• are renting
• have lower neighbourhood belonging 
• have lower local social trust

Whilst it is easy to assume that to overcome loneliness you need to be surrounded by a group of people, this is not the case. Overcoming loneliness can be achieved independently, and this post will explain how.

Understanding Loneliness

Loneliness can affect anyone and it hugely personal, so it will feel different for everybody. It also has many causes, which you may or may not be consciously aware of, such as:

• changing jobs
• starting a new school or university
• going through a breakup or bereavement
• experience mental health problems
• moving to a new area

Similarly, this emotion can be felt more at certain times of the year. For example during holidays such as Christmas, Valentines Day etc.

There are also different forms of loneliness:

• Emotional loneliness – the absence of meaningful relationships
• Social loneliness – a perceived deficit in the quality of social connections
• Existential loneliness – a feeling of fundamental separateness from others and the wider world

You may consider doing wider reading around the types of loneliness, to help you understand and better identify your specific feelings.

Feeling lonely feels very vulnerable, but we promise you are not the only one feeling like this. In 2020 in the US, one study found nearly 61% of adults reported feeling lonely. The study involved over 10,000 participants and assessed loneliness through a series of questions related to social interactions and relationships. Similarly, the Community Life Survey ran by the UK government in 2021 found that 3 million people (6%) feel lonely.

Regardless, loneliness is not solely about the quantity of friends you have and we will get into how to overcome loneliness without friends.

Embrace Solitude

If you have been feeling lonely, it is time for you to embrace solitude.

Solitude is desirable, a state of being alone where you provide yourself wonderful and sufficient company.

Psychology Today

It is a positive and intentional experience where individuals seek and enjoy their own company. Solitude can be a hugely beneficial experience as it can offer you time for self-reflection and personal growth.

In a world that often seems to celebrate constant connectivity and bustling social lives, it may seem counterintuitive to want to embrace solitude, but it provides an amazing opportunity for self-discovery.

So you may be thinking, how do I embrace solitude?

Fortunately, there are a multitude of ways solitude can be achieved:

Mindset is a huge factor in working towards this state. Instead of viewing your feelings as a forced circumstance, flip the script and view your solitude as a choice. This is an opportunity to reconnect with yourself.

Disconnect from technology and unplug from your internet life. Use your time to focus on the present moment, to enjoy and listen to your own thoughts.

Explore hobbies and passions and use this time to discover your interests. Learn what fulfils you and fall in love with the process.

Enjoying nature can be an amazing way to enjoy the calming effects it offers. Take a slow walk, breath in the fresh air and just enjoy your surroundings.

Educate yourself with content that truly inspires personal growth. This can be done with books, podcasts and blogs such as this one.

Learn to enjoy your own company by creating a positive relationship with yourself. You are the main character in your story, so treat yourself with kindness. We will get into this further now:

Build a connection with yourself.

We saw this question online, and think it is a powerful one to ask ourselves:

If you was in another body, would you date yourself?

Take a minute to really think about what your true answer would be.

Self love and self acceptance is so important when it comes to the ability to overcome loneliness without friends. Developing a positive relationship with yourself is the key to transforming moments of solitude into opportunities for personal growth and profound connection—with yourself and the world around you. This can be achieved through:

• Practicing self compassion: Emotions you will be feeling may also feel overwhelming at times. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would with a friend.
• Set realistic expectations: This isn’t going to happen overnight. Celebrate the small victories and set achievable goals with yourself.
• Positive affirmations: There are a tonne of theories out there explaining the profound benefits of activities such as this one, so we won’t get into it here. But get into a habit of practicing positive affirmations to challenge any negative thoughts and reinforce a healthy self-image.
• Personal interests: We mentioned it above but again, rediscover the moments of life that put a smile on your face.
• Practice gratitude: Take the time to seriously appreciate all of the positive aspects of your life, as it is often far too easy to focus on the negative. Right now, write down 10 moments of joy and things you are grateful for.

These activities will ultimately help you to foster a greater level of self-awareness. Self-awareness plays a crucial role in overcoming loneliness for several reasons, from understanding your personal needs to cultivating emotional resilience. It contributes to the creation of a lifestyle that aligns with your authentic self. This lifestyle may includes activities, relationships, and experiences that bring genuine joy and fulfilment, overall reducing the feelings of loneliness.

Volunteering and community involvement

Being lonely does not mean you have to feel alone. There are always opportunities to volunteer and surround yourself with people whose paths you otherwise may not have crossed. There is a huge positive impact created when we help others and it may even ignite a new sense of purpose for yourself. Volunteering can be done to suit your needs at your own pace, so you may find an opportunity where there is involvement multiple times a week, or another opportunity where involvement is every other weekend.

Similarly, there are also online communities where readers are able to contribute if getting involved virtually is something you’re more comfortable with.

Either way, overcome loneliness without friends is more than possible here. This way of putting yourself out there means there is the potential to form new connections whilst you’re making a difference. So it really is a win-win!

Using technology for wider connection

Once you are truly at peace with yourself and are content with your own company, you may seek to build a connection with other individuals. Although technology can be damaging, when used correctly it can be a brilliant tool for connectivity. There are several of apps and online communities you may want to join.

Making friends particularly if you’re not at school anymore is hard, but this lists of Apps put together may make it a bit easier. These create the perfect environment to make friends and connections virtually, allowing you to build the foundations of friendships in a way that you’re comfortable with.

As mentioned above, there may also be communities online that you can contribute to and involve yourself in. Here is a short list of communities that may take your fancy:

Virtual book club, fitness community, food/cooking community, craft clubs, language learning groups, writing clubs, podcast communities and so much more!

You may find that these online interactions become part of your ideal daily routine, as these can become an important part of your social life.

Important Note: It is essential that if you are in a situation when you may meet someone IRL (in real life) that you feel comfortable to do so, and it is highly recommended to meet in a public space!

Create a supportive environment

If you already have existing relationships in your life or you have created new ones using technology, try to nurture them further. Creating deeper connections with people will also require a little additional effort from your end. Schedule in some quality time with them and whilst you’re together, ensure that you are actively listening as well as openly communicating.

It may seem simplistic and a lot of us don’t do this enough, but don’t forget to really celebrate your friends or families achievements, no matter the size of them. Celebrating their successes and milestones will positively strengthen your bond.

Likewise, if someone is going through a tough time, it is so important to show up for them and provide them with what they need. That may either require you to just listen, or to actively engage and offer support and guidance.

Remember, creating deeper connections does take time and consistent effort. Be patient, be authentic, and invest in the relationships that matter to you. This isn’t something that should be rushed.

Professional Support

Whilst you may want to overcome loneliness without friends, sometimes it may require professional help. This absolutely isn’t something to be worried about or feared. There are huge benefits of therapy and counselling that can’t be achieved without going to them. Seeking professional guidance will help you gain a greater understanding of yourself, your behaviours, and perhaps the root cause for these feelings. Therapy will also equip you with coping mechanisms and communication skills, in turn helping you to improve your relationships.

Seeking help is a huge sign of strength and is a positive step towards unlocking a more fulfilling life for yourself.

For support, you may want to consider:

• Therapy/online therapy platform
• Local mental health services
• Employee assistance programmes through your employer
• University services

Conclusion

Whether you get support through therapy, helplines, or community resources, know that there are people and services ready and available to assist you on your journey toward greater well-being. You are not alone – as you can see by the highlighted studies – and taking steps to prioritise your mental health is a testament to your character and resilience.

In the vast landscape of human emotions, it is important to recognise and understand the diverse causes and types of loneliness. Overcoming loneliness is not about surrounding yourself in the centre of a social circle. Embracing solitude becomes an extremely powerful tool, allowing you to transform moments of aloneness into opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery.

The journey to overcome loneliness without friends is unique for each individual, and everyone will take a different path and amount of time to get there. It may not be a straightforward journey, but there are various means to get there, giving you various opportunities. Whether finding solace in solitude, cultivating friendships through technology, or seeking professional support, the key lies in the understanding that you are not alone.